MLB Network, Baseball's Biggest Tease

MLB Network, Baseball's Biggest Tease

Months ago, when I heard the first whispers of a cable network devoted to America's pastime, my knees weakened, mouth watered, and breath paused for as long as it takes Prince Fielder to get to first base. I envisioned my feet propped up, my hands resting behind my head, and my shoulders back as I spent hours of my days watching the breaking news in the world of baseball and all of the baseball styled coverage that I appreciate of the NFL Network.

Then, I learned that DISH Network would not be carrying the channel, which is now famously coined as the cable network with the largest launch, thus being watched in the most homes for a new network, 50 million. That little factoid of fame is slowly pouring salt into my wounds. To make matters worse, my family decided to switch satellite providers and go to AT&T Uverse within the next couple weeks, giving me hope that my dream channel would soon be mine. I was wrong. After a moment of googling, I discovered that MLB Network is being carried by just about every cable and/or satellite provider not named DISH nor Uverse. The heartbreak has begun to sink in. My hopes of listening to Matt Vasgersian and Harold Reynolds(right) dissect hours of game film and hot stove cooking are as gone as a Josh Hamilton Derby-Moonshot. Long gone. Way out of here. Out of every park not named Yellowstone. Obliterated. Smashed. Creamed. Cranked. Crushed. Walloped. Whirley-birded. You get it.

The absolute worst part of it all, is listening to the pleasure that my peers are getting as they watch the channel. For example the network aired a Cubs-Pirates affair from 1991, prompting Cub fans on message boards across the country to tune in, react, cheer, scream, holler, and then obviously wallow in the agony of defeat. I, as a true Cub fan missed out on the masochist party, and was forced to read post after post as my fellow baseball enthusiasts were treated to a ballgame.

I hate this, I truly do. And for all of you fortunate bastards that can watch the crap station from Secaucus, NJ, screw you, I don't care. Good for you, I'm glad you're happy, just don't inform me of the pleasure you partake within your own homes, your actions disgust me.

Chelsea Sings Blues, United Romps

Chelsea Sings Blues, United Romps

After ninety minutes of play at Old Trafford Sunday night, there is no question who the best team in England is, Manchester United. Not only did United complete the rare task of score a trio of goals past Petr Cech, but their swift attack completely dominated Chelsea. For much of the game and all of the second half, John Terry and company played on their heels and simply let the pace of Ronaldo, Rooney and Berbatov take their collective shots at the goal.

Rooney and Berbatov's second half goals not only were brilliant displays of skill on United's behalf, but sheer diabolical defend from Chelsea. Dimitar Berbatov's 87th minute strike sealed the victory for the Red Devils, as he shook Chelsea youngster Di Santo and drilled a cross from Ronaldo's free kick passed Cech easily.

The goal signals the possible end of Premiership glory for Chelsea, who as of now are 4 points adrift of league leaders Liverpool and just a single point ahead of United whom possess two games in hand. If Chelsea are to conjure up a miracle and head back up the table, despite trips to Liverpool and Arsenal remaining, their defending will have to improve. United's 5 shots on goal outweighed Chelsea's lone shot, and six United corners kept the ball in United's half for long spells.

Late in stoppage time of the first half, a Ronaldo goal was called off, only to be recounted on Nemanja Vidic strike moments later off a corner from Ronaldo himself. Sir Alex Ferguson couldn't have imagined a better end to the 1st chapter, allowing the Red Devil's to come out strong after the break and thoroughly control Chelsea. Rooney added a goal in the 63rd minute, and Chelsea was dead in the water from there.

What do these teams go from here? Well for United the 3-0 victory is key in their chase of league rivals Liverpool, and place the Red Devil at top of the table should they win both of their games in hand.

Chelsea's story is quite different. The loss at Old Trafford is just another loss in what is now a long line of disappointing performances, include struggles in UEFA Champions' League group stage, and an early exit in the Carling Cup. If Luiz Felipe Scolari is to keep his gig in London's West End, Chelsea will need silverware, a feat that looks daunting.

Mic's Final Poll crowns Utes

Mic's Final Poll crowns Utes

1. Utah
Why They Belong: Not only did the Utes run the table, but they capped it off in the heart of SEC country in a bowl game they weren't expected to size up in, and absolutely dominated an Alabama team that was a few minutes away from a title game berth.
Key Wins in 2008: Alabama, TCU, BYU
What to look for in 2009: Contention in the MWC, but no repeat.

2. Florida
Why They Belong: They shut down the best offense in the country and the Heisman winner Sam Bradford, while using their spread attack to become the most feared attack in the nation.
Key Wins in 2008: Alabama, Oklahoma, Georgia
What to look for in 2009: A reprise of the 2007 Gator season.

3. USC
Why They Belong: Carroll's defense is the best since Miami's 2001 squad, and they dominated every team they played other than the annual blip at Oregon State.
Key Wins in 2008: Ohio State, Oregon, Penn State
What to look for in 2009: The nations best offense with 10 returners should Mark Sanchez stay.

4. Oklahoma
Why They Belong: Blowouts against threats like Oklahoma State and Texas Tech showcased their offensive machine, and they ability to score style points.
Key Wins in 2008: Texas Tech, Oklahoma State, Missouri, TCU
What to look for in 2009: The hot seat for Bob Stoops, especially if Bradford declares for the draft.

5. Texas
Why They Belong: Colt McCoy did so much, with so little, and their lone loss shouldn't have happened, as a dropped pick against Texas Tech cost them a possible title.
Key Wins in 2008: Oklahoma, Missouri, Oklahoma State, Ohio State
What to look for in 2009: The nations best offense with 10 returners should Mark Sanchez stay.

6. Alabama
Why They Belong: Althought very vanilla at times, they were #1 until the very end, and should have beaten the Tebows.
Key Wins in 2008: Georgia, LSU
What to look for in 2009: Other than a transition at QB, a flawless transition to an '09 title run.

7. Penn State
Why They Belong: Other than Florida and USC, Joe Pa's team speed is lightning fast, and opposed to the two juggernauts mentioned, they're disciplined.
Key Wins in 2008: Ohio State
What to look for in 2009: A trip to the Alamo Bowl, because just about all of their studs will be playing on Sundays.

8. TCU
Why They Belong: Other than 'Bama, they have the 2 best losses in the country, at Oklahoma and at Utah. They soundly beat Boise State and blew out a tough BYU squad, and are possibly the best coached team in the country.
Key Wins in 2008: BYU, Boise State
What to look for in 2009: Much of the same, hard nosed and underrated TCU football, with a strong shot at a MWC title.

9. Ohio State
Why They Belong: They played Texas better than anyone else, that's it.
Key Wins in 2008: None
What to look for in 2009: A landing back on earth, including a young D.

10. Oregon
Why They Belong: Belloti's spread offense never stops reloading, Blount and Masoli looked like Jonathan Stewart and Dennis Dixon the last half of the season.
Key Wins in 2008: Oregon State, Oklahoma State
What to look for in 2009: A strong run at the Rose Bowl, watch out 'SC, the Ducks will be soaring.

Delhomme Shows Up Clawless

Delhomme Shows Up Clawless

Jake Delhomme showed up to Saturday night's NFC Divisional game against the Arizona Cardinals a year older, and would leave with a birthday gift he wasn't expecting, a long, premature vacation. Despite the year being only a sliver more than a week old, the Cajun signal caller quite possibly could have turned in the worst individual performance of 2009.

His horrific first half in which he threw two interceptions, and fumbled, could only be matched by yet another 3 turnover half of his in the second half. But it was his performance, or lack there of in the first half that would essentially allow the Cardinals to fly into the NFC Championship Game. Delhomme's first quarter fumble immediately followed a brilliant Cardinals TD drive, enabling the Cinderella-desert-birds to get 14 points on the board in 56 seconds, and capturing the momentum for the rest of the game. Delhomme's line, 17 of 34, 205 yards with a lone score and an eye-popping handful of interceptions, did not even justify the funk that Jake displayed. His passes wobbled, fluttered, and soared right into the direction of the white jerseys of Arizona on almost every play. Steve Smith, Delhomme's savior on the perimeter, was shut out until the 3rd quarter's final minute and never allowed him to settle down. His pass to Mushin Muhammad on a fourth down try in the second quarter sailed over Moose's head in an apparent mix up with the former Bears receiver, and was a prime example at the lack of confidence Delhomme had all night long.

Unlike Carolina's John Fox, Arizona head coach Ken Whisenhunt refused to gamble on 4 & inches in the red zone during the second quarter, a move that was canonized following another Delhomme interception moments later, setting up another Cardinals touchdown on a 29 yard TD strike between All-Pros Kurt Warner and Larry Fitzgerald. Warner's ability to carve up the Carolina secondary following the birthday gifts of Jake Delhomme was uncanny, and he once again, ironically, proved to be the NFL's version of a rising Phoenix, given his near MVP campaign, muting talks of Warner's aging rust. Iowa's comeback kid led the Cards with a 199 yard first half through the air, taking off the pressue of rookie runner Tim Hightower, letting the Cardinals stay with a balanced attack throughout much of the game. That is what winning quarterbacks are paid to do, consolidate mental pressure, and lead their teams by example, yet allowing others to shine, a role that Delhomme fell miles short of Saturday night. Although Carolina's running game rivals only those in Minnesota and Tennessee, Delhomme's irratic arm forced them to pass to try to get back into the game, thus allowing the Cardinals to surprisingly outrush the Panthers by 70 yards. Coming into the game the Panthers featured a rushing attack that averaged nearly 200 yards per game.

"For one reason or another, I didn't give us a chance tonight," admitted the 31 year old quarterback. His failures could lead to a revamping of the Panther offense. The aging quarterback is clearly the weak link in their attack, and an improvement under center could only boost an offense who's young core includes rookie Jonathan Stewart, and NCAA's all-time leading rusher DeAngelo Williams, not to mention the aforementioned prerennial All-Pro wideout Steve Smith. Arms like McNabb and Cassel could still hit the market this spring, and for Jake Delhomme, a poor performance in crunch time could end his superhero-status in the Queen City.